Lonely - Missing the memories

Lonely - Missing the memories

There are so many things swimming in my head
There are so many thoughts and voices I just can't drown out
My head is in a pool and my mind is swimming
I feel so lonely, though far away from empty

Is there a time machine to undo the clock
To put me back at age 1 with the knowledge and experience of current
Is there a time to put back the blocks
Or is everything now stuck at "permanent"

Friends whom I betrayed
One way or another
Friends who betrayed
Whom I wish I was still friends with

Emotions running down the spine of my back
It flows from my head
Inside my mind, it churns
Screams for attention and satisfaction
"feed me" it says

I am so broken inside
Though I may look okay on the outside
My emotions are a wreck
My road and path that seems to lead me to unknown places

I have a thing that is empty tho
It's the feelings of warmness whereby everyone is your friend
Even though they may not be
But you sure can be comfortable with anywhere you go

I miss this feeling
I miss those people
But because of pride and to prove something
Somebody can't talk to someone

I miss my innocent smile
Thinking the world is okay
When even though it's not
I'll still smile and say "everything's fine"

I hate this stupid growing up thing
People use and misuse each other
Victims of war, I can't talk and reach it to
Nobody seems to want to reach out to me too

The people that are here have personal agendas
Or to which reasons that I cannot agree with
But bind me to their kindness
And it had seemed to become "law" to me because of my "appreciation" and gratitude

I just wish the world isn't so cruel
How I long for my innocent smile to come back again
But now hen I smile, or when I see a smile
Questions of motive or pretend arises

Oh, how I wish and long to hold those people again
To let them know, I'm still that innocent person
But because of innocents I have betrayed some unknowingly
And I have been betrays by others because of my innocents to believe

This are my feelings
The moon is my friend tonight,he doesn't hide
I write this with a heavy heart
Very sad to see these dear things had fallen apart


Mike Cheong