Looking for stars

A poem about a person who is trapped into a situation where he feels helpless and hold on to the stars to guide him - towards his destiny

Everything,
Everything seem to be taken away from me,
I am like a fool,
Believing everybody that tells me what I should do,

I am without a father,
Looking up towards others who are kind,
I see them as a guiding star,
Someone who would light the path and show me the way,

I was happy to walk on,
Though the burden felt so heavy,
I am glad I have someone that I could carry,
To help them as they helped me walk the lighted way,

But,
When the buden became so heavy,
Until to the point I couldnt carry,
I smiled as I told the star that It's to heavy,
Instead I got a disapproving frown and a rebuke, 

Where was the smiling star that shown the way?
Did I do something wrong?
A disgrace? 
Where was the sweet sweet assuring voice that I held on to? 

Suddenly the burden has been lifted back to the star,
and I felt so light! 
But the star left me shining no more,
It is dark and gloomy now 

The Star...
It had turn its back on me 
and the road to leading towards my destiny
was the star's destiny instead,

So, goodbye loving star,
You have left me in the dark and cold,
I thought I had somewhere to go,
But you have led me into despair instead of gold,

I am left alone,
Crying in the corner,
You have broken my heart,
And I sit there waiting for another star to come guide the way

What a fool I am,
Don't I know that the stars that guide my way,
Are merely shining the way towards their own goals,
and care nothing of me and my "what will be"? 




but why; oh why,
Why just can't I see?
The star I seek 
Is already within me

MC

This heart of mine

Broken 

I am so broken

My heart is in pieces

This heart of mine

I boast of its innocence when I see this dark world

Never would I thought of hate and jelousy

Until I had encounter it myself

 

How other praised me for a heart of gold

Gentle as a dove, giving as a waterfall

Whatever I have, I never keep away

from those who need it more.

 

But this heart has been abused!

What was once a white sheet has now been thorn

It's whiteness is now murky

Because of the filth it has witness and felt

Oh it bleeds of pain

It bleeds with unbelief

It bleeds of dispare

It is humbled and shamed

Of things it thought it once knew

That white things are actually dark black things

 

This heart has poured out love before

After being stabbed and cheated

It still wants to love

How I hate this heart of mine

Can't it understand

People are evil!

Their intentions are filth and full with hidden motives

Their agenda is unending and are never satisfied

 

This heart just wants to love

And make peace

But others are for war and destruction

They feed on your distruction and want to

laugh at your hopelessness

 

Why would they care?

They don't care at all!

Cheated, lied to and betrayed

Things that I never dreamed of

 

I dreamed of a world where I can give everyone a hug

And everybody just had good intentions and want to achieve something great for the world

And for themselves

I dream of a world of comfort

Where the sun will blanket their days

And the moon to fill their nights with comfort

I dreamed of a world where there is food for the hungry

And smiles and hugs for the broken hearted

Where people love and care for each other

If not so,

Maybe even to their own family and neighbors

 

Screw this world!

It is really not like that!

My dreams are as childish as myself

I realize what a fool I have been!

What to trust and whom I loved are purely rubbish!

Everything I did - waisted

Everything they did - a lie

What do I do anymore?

Where can I go?

Can I trust my own steps?

Can I trust anyone?

 

The one who cheated me - free as a dove!

Wears a face of an angel

The one who got cheated - abused and grows in self loath and hate

 

I hate this heart of mine!

I want to smash it to pieaces!

Why do I feel this way!

Why won't it learn?

 

I see the broken I want to touch it

So it can feel warmth and loved

But it bites back and I get burned

And it burns in me and it burns me

So deep I grow and shy away

In regret I shout and scream

And yet tomorrow when I see another

My heart just bleeds for them!

 

Stupid foolish heart of mine

Stupid mind of mine

Can't I see forward?

Can't I know?

Should I know better?

Why can't I move away?

Why can't this go away?

Why does it bother me to help and care?

Why must I be moved to do something?

 

I walked around the places of where I was once found

I seek consolation and maybe comfort of familiarity

Maybe coming here will heal something

Maybe there is an answer here

Maye healing can be found

I don't know

I really am unsure of anything anymore

 

Cry out

I cry, I don't know what to do,

These emotions overwhelm me,

There so real and in my face,

 

These wounds that afflicted me,

Cause me deep deep sorrows,

which I cannot comprehend,

I cannot understand,

How so much they affect me,

 

Try as I may to block it,

To go around it,

Trying to avoide it,

To smile and forget it,

To patch it up and sew it together again,

 

But it burns within my heart,

And any situation that effects it,

That touches on it,

My heart becomes sensitive,

And the hurts come pouring out again,

 

So emotional,

I have become the one thing I dispise,

Being the emotional person,

Why can't I stop this bleeding heart?

Why won't the sewing patch it up?

Why does it errupt and weird feelings arise,

Why am I being the thing I dispise?

 

I cut my self to let it bleed,

Hide it so that no one sees,

Try to think of the comfort of death,

Not having to face the cruel world again,

 

I am just a nice guy,

I am just someone who wants to smile,

In fact I just want to see you smile,

I just want to think everyone is good,

That evil is a thought so far away,

That everything in the land is good,

 

Wasn't I brought up to think this way?

So furious with myself that with one kind word from a stranger,

I can easily sway,

I am fooled with the foolish lies,

Which I perceived as love and kindness in my eyes,

 

This is getting too long to read,

The more I say the more I weep,

the right turn is wrong, so is the left,

Cross roads of this life to take,

It's easy to choose just death.

Arise from your helplessness and darkness, a new Sun has dawned

There is a feeling of helplessness,

When things that you used to do,

Slips through your fingers,

Things that you used to swing around,

Now danced to unfamiliar tunes,

Someone else who is in charged,

Someone whom you are not used to.

 

They don't listen to you no more,

Everyone knows what to do,

You are being ignored and rejected,

And they go down a path you know is wrong.

 

Will they ever wake up?

Will they ever stop the blaming game?

Of what I do this is because of this hurt,

And my brokenness,

And I don't have a choice,

So I react this way?

 

Can't they see?

This darkness they dwell is swollowing them up,

They are sinking and yet they are welcoming the sink,

Can't they wake up?

Can't they know the truth?

Will they continue to rebel?

The truth and it's freedom

 

Why do they love the darkness?

Why do they feel so at ease to go to sleep in them,

Comforted in the dark embrace,

No one loves you,

But the darkness do

 

But it soon consumes,

And it soon drowns,

And it soon wants more,

Until you have no more to give,

And it demands you to serve it,

To feed its dark hunger,

And additional things that it craves,

 

Feeling so trapped,

So lonely,

Crying out in dispare,

Putting up a false front,

So no one can see what's truly there,

Behind that smile and "yup, things are alright",

Is the feeling of dread to feed the darkness inside,

 

Darkness now grows,

It's accustomed to their living,

They go on serving him,

Until there is no more,

They look at the new,

Of how they welcome the darkness warm embrace,

But their mouths are shut,

Pride, vanity, image, style and sins,

They cannot utter a word,

Not a warning they can speak,

For the darkness has used them,

A role model for the young to keep,

 

So I look upon these people,

Why is all I can ask,

Cry for them as they forsake the wise,

Asking the good Lord to hear my cries,

But all I can do is look upon my salvation,

The light in the darkness,

That breaks forth a saving grace,

For this undeserving earth and it's pace,

To give a deep peace that resonates within,

To rise up and to arise mightily again,

 

Be a witness and the role model,

To those who have none,

Be a light to the places and people,

Whom yearn for the light in their secret hearts,

Within the mystical places and among its creatures,

They will come andouille and follow them no more,

For the light is easy and freedom is free,

For He has already paid the price for you and me.

 

Mike

 

 

Poem of an oppressor!

 

Oppressors!

You always become emotional when questioned,

You don't like people questioning your authority,

You always become angry when you are inquired,

You use hard, harsh words upon people,

You always want to win!

You use "wise decisions"

And always pulling rank to get people to submit,

Always leaving the other party helpless

Guilty and saddnen

Left me feeling wrong, depressed, stressed and helpless,

Stranded, self pitied, washed off all self image,

Making me submit and poked, pricked, probed and robbed

Feeling empty, vanurable and burned

Taken advantage of like a queen and it's eunuch

Castrated of my dignity and pride,

No more do I have freedom,

I live a seemingly free live, but it's actually a big cage

 

I am sick of it,

One after another,

Will you never be satisfied?

Will you continue your manipulative ways to get what you want

For your own self graftification and needs

 

You lie every time you speak

At first I believed it

Like sweet words of a lover

Of promising security from a father

Like sweet assurance from a mother

Like encouragement from a brother

Or friendship from a companion

 

But thanks be to God who have revealed your poison,

I do not drown in its venom,

Though my body, spirit and soul is hurt and weak,

 

My voice is stuck!

I am in panic!

I become so insecure!

Who am I? I can't rely on myself anymore!

I go around seeking for help,

But everybody just wants to take advantage

they kick me here and there

And my close ones just rub it in my face

They are not proud of me too

Like I am so weak and meek

They are shy of me and

will not acknowledge my existence in the

presence of important people

 

Oh, I feel so rejected and down cast

Has the world abandoned me?

Do my feeling matter anymore?

Do my tears matter to anyone?

Or does everyone use my fears

For their own advantage

Used then abused then cast aside as a slave

This is what I feel and I must let these feeling out

For I don't care what the world may think

As they don't care about me either

 

I laugh when I see the joy of life

Will I ever be able to feel this joy of life

I don't want to experience it in moments

I want to live it

So sore higher, my love

I will one day climb out this dark pit

 

 

Helpless little bird

Feeling so trapped,
hopeless, clueless,
It's like I have been ripped my wings to fly,
To move, to go forward,
This wings are ripped by fear,
Of the "what if's"
And the "don't bother, it's not worth it"
And the "I'll do it tomorrow's"

I feel so helpless,
Like a small bird,
Being surrounded by eagles,
That tell you they are big and you are just small,

So betrayed,
By the ones I love,
And the ones I loved,
Who infact turns out to be my enemies,
So deceived and so wounded,
And it made it seems like its my fault,
Made me go on such guilt trips,
Which such mind games,
which such pushing, shoving and pressing

Oppressor!
You shit!
You made me so emotional
And drained all my energy on you!
Sucked me dry to the core,
But my maker had replenished and
filled me again once more

How could I ever let myself trust you
You and your f sweet words
You make my vomit and dispise myself
You made me think I was weak without you
Like I couldnt make it without you
Like you cared for me
You betrayed me!
Just like in the movies!

I through there were never bad people around,
Just misunderstood people,
You ripped the head of an innocent mind,
You slapped him with the back of your hand,

And so today I have cried,
The hurt causes deep pain in my heart,
My feelings are like a turmoil,
Emotions that I just cannot control,
Feel like crying but I can't,
Feel like shouting buti can't,
Feel like giving up but there's too much of dependence of the people surrounding,
It's never ending

Telling me always what to do,
How to dress and what I must obey,
Like my mind is yours
And my body your slave?!
How dare you!
I won't let you anymore!
I don't care who your influences are
I know my fathers on my side

I was so scared,
So I fear and so timid,
Like a small flame amids the strong winds
The blows from one direction to another
I drift weakly and meekly

I hate these feelings!
The drive me up the wall
They turn me inside out!
Here my cry oh Lord
Save me!
My enemies, they crush me!
They play with my head, they play with my heart,
Toy my feelings and tear me apart!

Do not let your child here hope for nothing,
He trust in you to save him!
He believes in your saving power to deliver,
Set me free from my oppressors!
From these negetive influences and spirits that haunt me

People judge me,
They have no wanting to understand me,
They just see a diamond in the rough that they can use,
Step on and even abuse,
Enough, enough, Enough!
Stand up for me Oh Lord! Stand up for you child,
Deliver! Deliver he cries! In the streets he cries "Deliever!"
Hear him Oh Lord,
Arise in judgement and crush his enemies as you have promised!

Praise the the Lord forever!

Lonely - Missing the memories

Lonely - Missing the memories

There are so many things swimming in my head
There are so many thoughts and voices I just can't drown out
My head is in a pool and my mind is swimming
I feel so lonely, though far away from empty

Is there a time machine to undo the clock
To put me back at age 1 with the knowledge and experience of current
Is there a time to put back the blocks
Or is everything now stuck at "permanent"

Friends whom I betrayed
One way or another
Friends who betrayed
Whom I wish I was still friends with

Emotions running down the spine of my back
It flows from my head
Inside my mind, it churns
Screams for attention and satisfaction
"feed me" it says

I am so broken inside
Though I may look okay on the outside
My emotions are a wreck
My road and path that seems to lead me to unknown places

I have a thing that is empty tho
It's the feelings of warmness whereby everyone is your friend
Even though they may not be
But you sure can be comfortable with anywhere you go

I miss this feeling
I miss those people
But because of pride and to prove something
Somebody can't talk to someone

I miss my innocent smile
Thinking the world is okay
When even though it's not
I'll still smile and say "everything's fine"

I hate this stupid growing up thing
People use and misuse each other
Victims of war, I can't talk and reach it to
Nobody seems to want to reach out to me too

The people that are here have personal agendas
Or to which reasons that I cannot agree with
But bind me to their kindness
And it had seemed to become "law" to me because of my "appreciation" and gratitude

I just wish the world isn't so cruel
How I long for my innocent smile to come back again
But now hen I smile, or when I see a smile
Questions of motive or pretend arises

Oh, how I wish and long to hold those people again
To let them know, I'm still that innocent person
But because of innocents I have betrayed some unknowingly
And I have been betrays by others because of my innocents to believe

This are my feelings
The moon is my friend tonight,he doesn't hide
I write this with a heavy heart
Very sad to see these dear things had fallen apart


Mike Cheong