This heart of mine

Broken 

I am so broken

My heart is in pieces

This heart of mine

I boast of its innocence when I see this dark world

Never would I thought of hate and jelousy

Until I had encounter it myself

 

How other praised me for a heart of gold

Gentle as a dove, giving as a waterfall

Whatever I have, I never keep away

from those who need it more.

 

But this heart has been abused!

What was once a white sheet has now been thorn

It's whiteness is now murky

Because of the filth it has witness and felt

Oh it bleeds of pain

It bleeds with unbelief

It bleeds of dispare

It is humbled and shamed

Of things it thought it once knew

That white things are actually dark black things

 

This heart has poured out love before

After being stabbed and cheated

It still wants to love

How I hate this heart of mine

Can't it understand

People are evil!

Their intentions are filth and full with hidden motives

Their agenda is unending and are never satisfied

 

This heart just wants to love

And make peace

But others are for war and destruction

They feed on your distruction and want to

laugh at your hopelessness

 

Why would they care?

They don't care at all!

Cheated, lied to and betrayed

Things that I never dreamed of

 

I dreamed of a world where I can give everyone a hug

And everybody just had good intentions and want to achieve something great for the world

And for themselves

I dream of a world of comfort

Where the sun will blanket their days

And the moon to fill their nights with comfort

I dreamed of a world where there is food for the hungry

And smiles and hugs for the broken hearted

Where people love and care for each other

If not so,

Maybe even to their own family and neighbors

 

Screw this world!

It is really not like that!

My dreams are as childish as myself

I realize what a fool I have been!

What to trust and whom I loved are purely rubbish!

Everything I did - waisted

Everything they did - a lie

What do I do anymore?

Where can I go?

Can I trust my own steps?

Can I trust anyone?

 

The one who cheated me - free as a dove!

Wears a face of an angel

The one who got cheated - abused and grows in self loath and hate

 

I hate this heart of mine!

I want to smash it to pieaces!

Why do I feel this way!

Why won't it learn?

 

I see the broken I want to touch it

So it can feel warmth and loved

But it bites back and I get burned

And it burns in me and it burns me

So deep I grow and shy away

In regret I shout and scream

And yet tomorrow when I see another

My heart just bleeds for them!

 

Stupid foolish heart of mine

Stupid mind of mine

Can't I see forward?

Can't I know?

Should I know better?

Why can't I move away?

Why can't this go away?

Why does it bother me to help and care?

Why must I be moved to do something?

 

I walked around the places of where I was once found

I seek consolation and maybe comfort of familiarity

Maybe coming here will heal something

Maybe there is an answer here

Maye healing can be found

I don't know

I really am unsure of anything anymore

 

The confidence and on sowing and reaping

And the Nehemiah 2:19-20 came to me again.

 

"19 But when Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite official and Geshem the Arab heard about it, they mocked and ridiculed us. “What is this you are doing?” they asked. “Are you rebelling against the king?” 20 I answered them by saying, “The God of heaven will give us success. We his servants will start rebuilding, but as for you, you have no share in Jerusalem or any claim or historic right to it.”" then Nehemiah 3 says : Rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem.

 

When I am doing something out, extraordinary that the world has places in order, the world and it's leaders will think I am rebeling. The followers of the world leaders will come and so called "caution me" and put fear into my heart of the consequence of going againts the worlds orders and men made laws. But the words of conviction through faith "the God of heaven will give us success!" is so assuring as well as so bold. And surely the Lord will give them success because his hand is upon them. And the mockers and doubters will have no such inheritance of it after success is ripped of what they have sown.

 

But before this, make sure what you sow is good. There is absolutely no way evil can grow out of the soil. It must be the one who sowed it there previously. What are you sowing into your life now? Did you know: what you reap, is also what you will sow?

Don't be supplies if failure and disaster followed you! It was you who sowed it there for the beginning! Repent! Sow the right seeds! Get the right seed! Sow the seed of faith! So small is a mustard seed that it becomes the biggest tree! So that is the same with faith.

 

My dear friends...may you start to Believe and prosper! Believe more and proser more! Change your mindset and thinking! Empty it and fill it with the new wisdom that comes from the God who made the heavens and the earth. Who layed the earths foundations, so will he establish you!